i`ve always believed in signs

wednesday started out as a horrible day. it was not even special, it was a day when nothing happens, as what every day is as of late. at lunchtime, i had an argument with the person i love most, due to miscommunication and mismanaged time. back at work, i focused on the job and even then my actions were considered being too aggressive. i recently had been promoted to a new role, and being me, i alway act quickly and proactively. i later found out that to one elderly manager who`s old school and been at her job for 37 years, it appeared that i was too eager. I was furious when I went home. Surely I thought to myself, there is nothing wrong with me. I have always been like that. Ambitious, out-preforming myself, always raring to go, always trying to prove there is a better and smarter way to do the job. Looking back at my career the past 10 years now, for every year that i was working i`ve always been promoted and given new roles. I worked in a fast pace and I know that`s what sets me apart, and what shows that I can do much more. this time however, i was in a different work environment altogether. i was part of a small team of 8, and in a laid back, slow moving work setting, someone like me stands out like a sore thumb. someone like me may appear to be intimidating, as unlike every one else, i value initiative and always have put it on the forefront. the good thing is my actual boss is a bit younger, and understands and appreciates that kind of work ethic. i went home angry, i couldn`t understand why i can`t change people who are set on their ways. i didn`t leave without settling it in a 3-way discussion with my boss and the opposer, and in the end, my point shone through. when i went home, i asked myself, is this something that will happen down the road more often? is this something i have to deal with all the time? do i even want to work there? am i doing the right thing? a big headache followed and i slept and took to bed my frustration.

thursday morning i woke up at 6am. read the news on my phone and found out steve jobs died. i realized that i was so focused on my `little world` that somehow i forgot to look around me and realize that there are bigger stuff than me out there where it happens in the real world. i was immediately sad, that a man of his genius and passion, who changed our lives with technology and media, has passed and we are left wondering what`s next. who`s going to make sure everything he started progresses? and then as i searched more news, i found this video on a friend`s link:

here i was, still in bed and under a blanket, and on my hand, i was watching this speech on my iphone, that is how marvellous steve jobs is. everything i had in front of me was a thing he created and all made possible.

and then i was energized. i understood what he meant. i felt all the more eager and passionate to make changes in my life. that little `happy me`` woke up and realized how i`ve been hibernating and losing myself in the situation that i am in now. it`s not what i want. it`s not what makes me happy.

i understood what he said about `connecting the dots` backwards. everything that happens in my life happened for a reason. i`ve always  tried to follow my heart and intuition, until it led me to this point where i forgot to feel. i forgot to strive better, and be passionate. i forgot what it feels like to be loved and to be with the person i love the most.

i understood what he meant about fearing death. look at this speech in 2005, and how 6 years later the disease overcame him. i should ask myself each day, like he did, `is this what i want to do today if it were my last day?` the answer was no. i pictured in my head what a day like that should be like. and it was ever clear -- to be with the one i love in the city that i love in the country that i love,

i undestood what he meant about following your heart, your intuition, and that somehow these will steer you in the direction you should be in. i want to be alive again. i want to be passionate, the best that i can be, because i know i can do a lot more. and a lot better. if i found out what makes me happy, why on earth would i move against that? in the end, i should embrace all that happens so that in the future i may `connect the dots backwards`.

i wrote this because i am back. i wrote this because i wanted to share with everyone how steve`s message woke me up. i want to acknowledge that fate again has given me a sign and i shouldn`t ignore it.