a blog for you

Listening to “Everyone” right now. I must have played it over more than a dozen times.

I don’t know. It’s clearly not about the lyrics. Maybe the melodies. Maybe the general tone. Maybe the sentiments.

 

All I know is I’m quite happy right now. And I believe everything is going to fall into place. Somehow we’ll know all the answers.

 

When I think of you, I get teary-eyed. Not just because I miss you. It’s more like I finally felt what it is to be happy. To feel that I have waited 15 years and the reward was more than I expected.

 

I have always been in love with you. It’s not the cliché. It’s me discovering at a young age that I could open my heart and let someone in. I thank the heavens you were the first one.

 

You see I never planned for all of this to happen. Somehow in 2006 when I sent you email, it felt like a big relief for finally settling it and having to say I’m sorry. And then we started messaging again back when you were in Minnesota. We even coined you “feelin’ Minnesota”. I remember a friend who ran into you once, called me up one night. She said, “are you feelin’ Minnesota? She is so the ONE for you.” And we were happy after that. Then again that was the difficult time in my life when I followed my heart and chose poorly. And everything happened did. And somehow you saw me through it.

 

I think I told you about my problems too and since then I trusted you with everything and for every significant thing that happened in my life after then, you were always there for me. I wouldn’t have quit my job if I didn’t get that text from you. Remember you said that if I feel like doing it even without a job, then go for it. I did and look at me now, I’ve never been happier at work. I owe you a lot really.

 

When I was leaving for Sing, it was always you who comforted me, said hello in most occasions. I won’t forget that Seattle’s Best moment. I was standing around outside Greenbelt 3 and you called me. And I turned around and saw you and you saw me. And it felt really good seeing that you found me. Even though we talked for an hour so, it felt like being home and I guess that my last look of you have always been with me. When you laughed, I laughed. And that was enough.

 

You’ve been with me through all of Sing and I’m thankful for it. I was never big on chatting. Except with you. I always felt that connection. Because you know me. You know everything about me and even when an idea forms in my head, you’d know about it without me telling you. You knew me. And I felt comforted in how sacred that was. I have shared myself completely without fear of rejection nor uncertainty.

 

I have really thought about it when I asked you the first time. I was really sure that it was you that I wanted and no one else. And when I realized that, I went ahead and asked. The main thing is that you make me happy. Without any effort, without expectations.

And when you said no, I was completely distraught. Not because I felt like I lost, but because I felt you needed to think about it more. I know that something’s holding you back and I’m not the one to stand in the way of that. I respect you enough and trust you will make the right decision when it comes to you. No pressure, no expectations. Take your time.

 

Because I always believed that if it’s meant to be, everything will conspire to make it happen. I am a true-blue hopeless romantic, which I’m sure you already know.

 

I guess what I want to say to you now is that all of this feels right.

 

I am happy. I hope you are too.

 

You are always in my head and more importantly my heart. All I want and all I need.

 

And that even if we're miles away, I am always with you.  Because you will always have me.

 

I hope I don’t have to count through 10 things again. You know me. You know that an open heart only speaks out the truth. So here it goes…

 

i love you.

 

Saturday, August 23, 2008

8/23/2008 7:17:33 PM