i think i've lost my mojo

I think I lost my mojo.

 

Like I told you, Saturday was pick-me-up vanity day. So I went to the salon first to get a manicure and a super-feel-good foot spa, and then the hair stylist comes up to me and asks me if I wanted to have a haircut. I told him, yeah I was thinking about getting one just to feel a little lighter but I told him I still wanted it to be long enough to be able to be tied into a pony tail. And so afterwards, I got into a talkative mood and we were chatting and I agreed to a haircut. So I went on the chair and he said my hair was dry and I’ve got a terrible hair fall condition. Is it because of stress? Yeah, I told him, pretty much it. At least I did not break down and cry when he asked. Hahaha. Yeah I looked in the mirror and I could see the stress coming out of my pores. It feels like I’ve aged drastically in the last year. I think I started getting worry wrinkles on my forehead and growing grey hairs on my bangs from thinking about Adrianna and how she broke my heart and everyday I still think about it. That kind of thinking is entirely exhausting to say the least. I was getting thin, not only because of a strict diet, but because deep down I’m depressed, and it’s the key ingredient for any severe weight loss. And so he said in his comforting words, I’ll take care of your hair. Put back the life in the hair, add a little spice and volume and remove the weight. I put up my hands in the air and said ok I’m all yours, it’s all up to you. I think I’ve dozed off a little, since I was feeling a lot relaxed. A few minutes later, I lost about 50% of my hair, and he cut in layers and yeah, there is volume and it is a hairstyle, not a haircut. What have I done? I look too much like a girl. with a hairstyle! Oh my, oh my… It looks great and it was skillfully done and it is flattering to my face. But I look like a girl with a hairstyle. Oh no..I lost my mojo. It’s gone.

 

You know there are certain rules about being me. Given that I am extremely vain sometimes with huge ego, and an ardent love of self, there are certain rules to be followed. And the fact that I like straight women makes me obligated to follow that rule. Rule no.1, I can not be prettier than the girl I’m going out with.  I can not have a more girly hairstyle than hers.  I can not be better dressed in any occasion then her. That’s the basic rule. Maybe that’s why I really go for good-looking ones so that I don’t really have to go all the way down when I downplay my looks (hahaha, arrogant, arrogant). Yeah, it’s a simple rule to follow. I can get my nails done and all, but I can not let my nails grow longer and get the same sexy French tip as her. We could wear the same jeans, but her ass has got to be better looking in them. Hahaha. That’s the rule. I want it that way. It feeds my fantasy. So what do I do now that I have a girly haircut?? I have never been “torpe” at all. In fact I am confident when I make ligaw. I am cocky enough to believe that I could get any straight girl to go out with me if I liked her well enough. But not with this haircut. I don’t actually want to approach women and then their first word would be, “I love your haircut, it suits your face, you look real pretty”. That would just put my confidence down the drain. I want to look nice enough to be interesting. But not nice enough that she’d think I’m just one of the girls, someone she could ask for fashion advice. With this haircut, I think I’d get that vibe, that best friend vibe, that girly girl vibe. Oh god, how long does hair grow back? I think I’d be dateless until then, hahaha. Not that I’m necessarily looking, but what if she comes? The juggernaut that’s going to knock Adrianna off my pedestal? What do I do? Shall my pick-up line be? “See this haircut, it’s not really me, what do you think I should do?”.

Good thing I had my facial afterwards, and I was able to give that thought a rest. I was nice and soothing and really de-stressing to the max. There’s nothing better than getting a facial massage from someone with soft, light and gentle fingers. You close you eyes and imagine the masseuse looks like Jessica Alba, and you’re set. Hahaha. Seriously, I love the detail they put on in a facial. The smooth moisturizer, the hot steam blowing on your face, the way they paint your whole face with a cold mask, leave it on for half an hour and then slowly peel it away. It feels like you have a new face altogether. And the head massage was simply wow. I was lying there with my eyes closed and a smile on my face thinking maybe I want to marry a masseuse. That would be really, really nice. There I was in my short moment of nirvana, and same as all good things it didn’t last. I opened my eyes and no, the facial therapist/masseuse did not look anything like Jessica Alba. Oh well, I gave her a nice tip and at least I left her with a smile on her face.

 

I walk out with a new face, feeling relaxed and renewed. So now, I think I’d just count the days and wait for my hair to grow back a little longer. I hope maybe then I’d get my mojo back.